Here’s something I just wrote for da fuck of it.

The fat cat laughs himself to sleep every night exploiting the pain of his fellow human beings.  He is the one selling diet pills to awkward overweight teenage girls, and anti acne cremes that will never work to boys that want to believe so badly that they will.  Valleys become lakes with the tears of Americas overprivileged youth.  We are killing ourselves slowly or with a shotgun, just as long as the party never stops.  The fat cat who sleeps on top of wall street fucks himself to sleep every night to the beat of our shame.  Everything crumbles just from his icey cold stare.  The oppososition alligned with the occult finds themselves with a knife four inches deep in the back of an aborted fetish.  The blood rushes from their cocks as time ceases to be a factor.  All that you’ve ever loved is the devil leading you home, all the beauty in the world was invented by you to escape the fact that you can’t even walk down the fucking street free of suggestion.  I try to make myself beautiful as I drink the equivalent of liquid sludge.  The most rebellious way to support the mainstream.  Why do i do this to myself.  Do my bad habits make me a bad person?  Am I changing my vibe?  Am I darkening my aura?  I’m so goddamn tired and I’m only twenty years old.  Two decades.  People have died having lived a third of what I’ve lived.  Why am I so goddamn ungreatful of this, all of this?  My pants are tightening.  Bags hang sloppily under my eyes.

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A little sumpin sumpin I thought up.

       Fear of failure runs rampant amongst

the discontented youth of America.

       No where before in history has the

straight path laid before us to keep us in line

       been so blurred by their distractions.

The choice of what artificial sweetener you

       want for breakfast

is not freedom.

       our emotions are fading fast as they

give way to our most primal desires,

       being stripped of our souls by a pair

of fake tits on reality tv.

       Look at them smiling slapping dat ass,

taking that shot, snorting that line if that isn’t

        the American Dream then I don’t know

what is.  

        We’re all going to live forever without

having ever gotten to live a single moment.

        Look at those marketing genius’

looming over us from their skycrapers,

       ever the careful observers.

Just human enough to understand the

        deepest darkest depths of the human soul,

and just inhuman enough to exploit it.

        Who knew devolution could be

so profitable?

       

things I think about when its dark out.

Something about your face really makes me want to make you cum. We’re talking about an earth shaking orgasm here, the type you can feel from the top of your head to the tips of your toes. I want you to be happy. I hope your future husband has a big dick and is financially stable. But until that day I wish to be your own little purveyor of fine quality orgasms. Every square centimeter of your body pulsates with life and love, and I want to fuck your brains out and then take you out to get ice cream. In my mind you make up for Hitler. I’ve built a fifty foot statue of you in my heart and I pray to it nightly. i want to lick your foot, and I fuckin’ hate feet. That seems like a good place to stop for now.

things I think about when it’s dark out.

Theres nothing we could do about it
nothing will be the same.
It has taken me all this time to realize
it was meant to be that way.
we can’t go back and
everything will change
It was always meant to be that way.

The sun rises and sets
one day it wont but until then
it will be that way.

You breathe in and I breathe out
one day we wont but until then
it will be that way.

I know I’m not the first to say
I wish to love you in every way
but maybe I can be the last to.

You buried your love under two tons of cement
and I’m digging with my bloodied fist,
I breathe in and you breathe out.

Even though we’re miles away
we dance in unison
as gravity holds the sun and earth together
so are we held by love.

With time all is blown away,
statues of breath taking size
are blown to the ground
by the single breath of a century,
and everyone you’ve ever loved
inches toward death.
We are the fragile ones
not made of steel nor iron
our bodies break with ease
under the crushing weight of infinity,
we stand alone,
with only our love to keep us warm.

Under the all consuming
weight of infinity our minds are
are crushed as our bodies are blown
to pieces. The stars weep at our mortality
shining there stuck in time and space.

Under the crushing weight of infinity
I find myself at the store choosing
between rice and beans for a side.

vada vada

Theres nothing we could do about it
nothing will be the same.
It has taken me all this time to realize
it was meant to be that way.
we can’t go back and
everything will change
It was always meant to be that way.

The sun rises and sets
one day it wont but until then
it will be that way.

You breathe in and I breathe out
one day we wont but until then
it will be that way.

I know I’m not the first to say
I wish to love you in every way
but maybe I can be the last to.

You buried your love under two tons of cement
and I’m digging with my bloodied fist,
I breathe in and you breathe out.

Even though we’re miles away
we dance in unison
as gravity holds the sun and earth together
so are we held by love.

With time all is blown away,
statues of breath taking size
are blown to the ground
by the single breath of a century,
and everyone you’ve ever loved
inches toward death.
We are the fragile ones
not made of steel nor iron
our bodies break with ease
under the crushing weight of infinity,
we stand alone,
with only our love to keep us warm.

Under the all consuming
weight of infinity our minds are
are crushed as our bodies are blown
to pieces. The stars weep at our mortality
shining there stuck in time and space.

Under the crushing weight of infinity
I find myself at the store choosing
between rice and beans for a side.

fuck

I am sad inside.

So incredibly sad,

you can’t even comprehend. 

I watched a video about elephants and cried for two hours.

The world is a beautiful place and i truly am considering dying.

Death is peace,

Life is chaos.

I cringe when I think about myself wandering

this empty world in search of the same meaning

two elephants find with ease.

I think therefore i cry.

All is not what it seems whirling around our

 big ol’ star endlessly, waiting to be sucked up by a great big old 

black hole.  And finally be layed to rest.

I am sad inside because I feel like I will never find the comfort 

that exists between two elephants that haven’t seen eachother 

in twenty years.  I am sad because I want to die.

I am sad because I want to die

I am sad because I want to die.

Two elephants intertwine there trunks

in an epic knot of infinity,

 and i here i stand waiting for death.

All is not what it seems as we sit here waiting for

infinity.

I am sad because I want to die.

Most of these I found while looking through my old notebooks from high school, soooooooooo here’s another yaaaay.

    Why do some moments seem to last longer than others?  Last week when you were drunk thrashing against the door for me to get out, afraid your bladder would become a spring, I told you to chill out and let me wash my hands real quick, but you kept on banging anyway and you giggled and called me a fucking fairy.  I finished washing up and opened the door to find you there swaying ever so gently in the goddamn most adorable way I’ve ever seen.  “You’re so cute when you’re slurring your speech.”  you looked up at me through glazed eyes twinkling ever so gently, you’re skin radiant and warm I felt compelled to tell you right then and there, that the culmination of  every thriving model, every princess whose beauty spurred entire nations to war, every young starlet who captivated the perverted young minds of the hormonal youth, paled in comparison to you having a bad hair day.  All these thoughts exploded in my mind, causing warning ripples to appear on my face, but it didn’t matter because you had already brushed past me, conjoining our souls for one brief nano second and ripping them apart just as quickly.  Earlier today while riding with my mom to a doctors appointment I saw a billboard that read “We want you!”  With a huge portrait of an elderly man wearing the american flag for a shirt and hat pointing his elongated finger down at me and I thought “bull shit….”

Here’s something I wrote my freshman year of highschool.

To the back of the bus

I was sent.

They don’t even know me

and they sent me to

the back of the

bus!

The bastards.

My pale complexion,

acne scarred,

freckle covered,

face used as the

sole ammunition for

the cannon of

their insults.

Send me to hell for

the sins of my

fathers genetics.

Put me to death

because i don’t meet

this decades strict guidelines for

what is beautiful.

Civilization is crashing

into the sea

all we have to do is

turn and run,

but everyone’s to busy

checking their makeup.